I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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