Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't turn off my feet"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Randomize
