I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
