i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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