smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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