Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
