i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
