The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
