Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
