I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
honey bunches of taint.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
