Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
