Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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