I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my shit smells like andre
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
