I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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