We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
