I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
