just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
