I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
