dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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