based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
