and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
