Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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