Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nutella sex= disaster
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
