I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
