its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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