I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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