over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i think i just lost a toe
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
