She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
