Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
