I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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