Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
