I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
