dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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