Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
