Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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