I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize