Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
