Soap is not a condiment
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
