Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
