I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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