jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
