Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
