I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
