There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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