I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
