I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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