note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
