I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
