Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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