Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
