i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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