You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
