she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
