Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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